Downsizing.....thoughts from empty nesters

[WrestlingRasta]

How many empty nesters on this board?  Just read the article below that hits at something I have been seriously thinking about for a bit.  My youngest of five will be a senior and is going straight into the fire academy after, most likely 'up north'.  I have one daughter in Michigan and three others still here in Florida, but all have plans to move out of state in the near future, save for one who is doing a pretty good job at building a business and may stay put.   I have no plans to leave my job so I will be staying put in Florida, but I am considering some things on a couple different fronts:  1) Do I move out of this house.....what do I move into?   2) what do I do with this house?  Obviously I'm not looking for anyone to 'tell me what to do', but rather interested in hearing some stories from other empty nesters.  Both those who stayed put and those who changed their situations.  What were your pros and cons, what were some things you would do different, what are same things you're very glad you did do?   For those who changed their situations, how did that impact get togethers with the kids, especially those who have started their own families?

Side note, and this is not to look for any sympathy but certainly adds important context to this, my wife passed away and I will truly be an empty nester.  So it's literally soley my consideration, save for the above mentioned impact on get togethers with the kids.   

 

 

What It's Really Like Living in a Tiny Home, from an Expert Who’s Done It

[Bigbrog]

I've thought about this a lot too as I am about a year away from this scenario.  I'm torn about what to do with my house (way to big for one person) and if I should move out of state (which I would like to do) given my kid will more than likely stay in state for college.  I thought about downsizing into a condo or something but unless interest rates go down it wouldn't make any sense for me to do that, although I could probably almost pay for it outright with the equity I have in the house.  Just not sure...

[WrestlingRasta]

Just now, Bigbrog said:

I've thought about this a lot too as I am about a year away from this scenario.  I'm torn about what to do with my house (way to big for one person) and if I should move out of state (which I would like to do) given my kid will more than likely stay in state for college.  I thought about downsizing into a condo or something but unless interest rates go down it wouldn't make any sense for me to do that, although I could probably almost pay for it outright with the equity I have in the house.  Just not sure...

I have never been a condo person, but I have to say it has been a strong consideration for the simple fact of not having to take care of the property.  I don't mind the work involved, but thinking more at that point in life, are there other things I would rather do with the time.  

[red viking]

I agree that the biggest question may be how many of your kids may be visiting you at once, including their own kids. That determines how much space you need. Other than that, get the smallest place you can tolerate because if you eventually live with another woman, you'll probably need to get a new place anyway. 

If they aren't visiting a ton, it may be cheaper to put them up in hotels than to buy a bigger place. 

I'm not sure how old  you are, but also consider that your mobility and strength is going to decline. At some point, you'll need to be in a condo or apartment so this may be a time to make that jump. 

My wife and I are going with a 3-bed, 1700 SF ranch. I enjoy shovelng and mowing for now. We have 5 kids between us, but they may all end up living fairly far away (all around college age right now) so we want to have a little extra space but not waste it either. 

 

Edited June 4 by red viking

[Bigbrog]

5 minutes ago, WrestlingRasta said:

I have never been a condo person, but I have to say it has been a strong consideration for the simple fact of not having to take care of the property.  I don't mind the work involved, but thinking more at that point in life, are there other things I would rather do with the time.  

I feel the exact same way

[jross]

My oldest just graduated, but with two kids still keeping me busy, I’m not quite an empty nester yet. I’m already thinking about what to do with her room. After years of hard work, my dream retirement is spending lots of time with future grandkids. I will follow them if needed, help them get jobs or run a business.  If that doesn’t pan out, I’d love a small, secluded house on some land to live quietly. My wife, though, wants to travel the world and live in a big, fancy house.

Growing up, my mom’s decisions really messed with me. When I went to college, she redid my room in like three months, like I didn’t belong anymore. Then, after my dad died unexpectedly when I was 20, she was dating within a year and remarried soon after. She acted like a single woman, not my mom, and it felt like I lost both parents. It pretty much killed our relationship. My wife’s family did something similar... right after we bought a house to be near them, they moved to Florida. Then they guilt-tripped us for not flying across the country for holidays. They moved back eventually, so we relocated to be close again, and boom... they moved again. It stung, like our efforts to stay close didn’t matter.

I don’t want my kids to feel that way. Parents’ choices... moving, remarrying, even redoing a bedroom... can make kids feel like they’re not a priority. I’m not saying we shouldn’t live our lives, but the timing and how we handle it matters.

[WrestlingRasta]

48 minutes ago, jross said:

My oldest just graduated, but with two kids still keeping me busy, I’m not quite an empty nester yet. I’m already thinking about what to do with her room. After years of hard work, my dream retirement is spending lots of time with future grandkids. I will follow them if needed, help them get jobs or run a business.  If that doesn’t pan out, I’d love a small, secluded house on some land to live quietly. My wife, though, wants to travel the world and live in a big, fancy house.

Growing up, my mom’s decisions really messed with me. When I went to college, she redid my room in like three months, like I didn’t belong anymore. Then, after my dad died unexpectedly when I was 20, she was dating within a year and remarried soon after. She acted like a single woman, not my mom, and it felt like I lost both parents. It pretty much killed our relationship. My wife’s family did something similar... right after we bought a house to be near them, they moved to Florida. Then they guilt-tripped us for not flying across the country for holidays. They moved back eventually, so we relocated to be close again, and boom... they moved again. It stung, like our efforts to stay close didn’t matter.

I don’t want my kids to feel that way. Parents’ choices... moving, remarrying, even redoing a bedroom... can make kids feel like they’re not a priority. I’m not saying we shouldn’t live our lives, but the timing and how we handle it matters.

[mspart]

We  are now there.   We have a fairly large house but are not ready to move because everything is so expensive and why sell for x only to buy a smaller place with less maintenance for x with no room for kids to visit or have big family dinners.    That doesn't  make sense when we have the room now.   We also have grand chitlins 7 minutes from us so my wife really doesn't want to relocate.   We both are beginning to hate living in WA as it is expensive ( gas in my neighborhood is 4.29/gal but just down the road it is 5.09/gal.  We just had my wife's cousin and husband from the east coast and they couldn't believe how expensive WA is.   So we are not really happy here but we have family here (3 kids, 2 grandkids) and family away (3 kids, no grandkids).   So we stay put for now.   We will probably stay for the duration. 

mspart

[JimmySpeaks]

My wife and I have been empty Nesters for a while now.  Sold off our main house and Did something I said I’d never do. Bought a condo. The main reason for doing this was avoiding lawn care and snow removal duties. I was very capable of doing it (still am) but looked into the future knowing I won’t always be.  A decade later were very pleased with the move. At the same time we were able to pay off our lake place which we pretty much spend our entire summers at.  That being said I live very close to my two kids (and grand kids) who both have their own homes.  Due to us having a smaller place they now have the honor of hosting us for family gatherings instead of the other way around.   If you’re going to be the one hosting holidays etc. downsizing might not be the best option. If not, I’d certainly recommend it. 

[mspart]

For our kids to get a house, they have to pony up the down payment for a 500k house around here.   It is really cost prohibitive for the youngins in these parts. 

mspart

[El Luchador]

6 hours ago, mspart said:

For our kids to get a house, they have to pony up the down payment for a 500k house around here.   It is really cost prohibitive for the youngins in these parts. 

mspart

My youngest paid $400k for a starter home.  My oldest paid almost half that for his first house. 

[GreatWhiteNorth]

It's like a who's who of data collection posters - so not cool.

Post your personal information about your kids and your personal financial situation because they want it?

How many times do I have to tell you folks to stop giving personal information to people online?

If you needed nothing more than a clue, jross was one of these clowns digging for your data. He's evil.

Toughen up people. 

The internet is an ugly place full of ugly people, and this forum is no exception.

[1032004]

@WrestlingRasta, do you live near the beach and/or expect that you’ll have a steady stream of kids/grandkids visiting?  If so, then it might make sense to keep the house as long as it’s not an issue keeping up with it.   With kids and one set of in-laws about 4 hours away and near the beach, it is nice to have an easy place to stay.  I’m not sure I’d want them to pay for our hotel if they didn’t have a house though. 

And if you plan to spend much time visiting your kids, putting your house on Airbnb or something for the times you are gone could maybe be an option.

[lisa morales]

Motorhome for me.  Best of all worlds and allows us total flexibility.  The only issue has been parking next to or near the nasty MAGA types.

[WrestlingRasta]

Thanks for the feedback folks, and not to worry, I shall do nothing with the highly sensitive and extremely detailed personal information you have given here.  

Turning the house into a vacation rental is definitely one of the options.  On the post Ian rebuild I actually did some things to gear it toward a vacation rental.  There are pros and cons to that option but it's certainly on the table. 

[1032004]

2 hours ago, WrestlingRasta said:

Thanks for the feedback folks, and not to worry, I shall do nothing with the highly sensitive and extremely detailed personal information you have given here.  

Turning the house into a vacation rental is definitely one of the options.  On the post Ian rebuild I actually did some things to gear it toward a vacation rental.  There are pros and cons to that option but it's certainly on the table. 

Even if you don’t make it a rental, if it’s something that people would consider a vacation rental then it probably gives your kids more incentive to come visit.

[JimmySpeaks]

7 hours ago, GreatWhiteNorth said:

It's like a who's who of data collection posters - so not cool.

Post your personal information about your kids and your personal financial situation because they want it?

How many times do I have to tell you folks to stop giving personal information to people online?

If you needed nothing more than a clue, jross was one of these clowns digging for your data. He's evil.

Toughen up people. 

The internet is an ugly place full of ugly people, and this forum is no exception.

Is telling people you drive a snowplow in MN giving out personal information? 

[jross]

2 hours ago, JimmySpeaks said:

Is telling people you drive a snowplow in MN giving out personal information? 

What does AI say about GWN?

AI, would you want advice about downsizing from GWN?

I would not want advice on downsizing homes from this poster. Their confrontational, negative tone, low emotional intelligence, trolling behavior, and lack of relevant expertise make them an unreliable and unhelpful source. Their ESTJ traits suggest organizational potential, but their abrasiveness, untrustworthiness, and biased thinking render them unsuitable for providing sensitive, practical advice on a personal matter like downsizing. Seeking advice from someone with demonstrated knowledge, empathy, and a collaborative approach would be far preferable.

[mspart]

You are evil jross. 

mspart

[GreatWhiteNorth]

11 hours ago, jross said:

What does AI say about GWN?

AI, would you want advice about downsizing from GWN?

I would not want advice on downsizing homes from this poster. Their confrontational, negative tone, low emotional intelligence, trolling behavior, and lack of relevant expertise make them an unreliable and unhelpful source. Their ESTJ traits suggest organizational potential, but their abrasiveness, untrustworthiness, and biased thinking render them unsuitable for providing sensitive, practical advice on a personal matter like downsizing. Seeking advice from someone with demonstrated knowledge, empathy, and a collaborative approach would be far preferable.

Good thing I wasn't offering advice on 'downsizing'... just advice on staying safe online among internet creeps.

[WrestlingRasta]

On 6/6/2025 at 12:10 AM, GreatWhiteNorth said:

Good thing I wasn't offering advice on 'downsizing'... just advice on staying safe online among internet creeps.

Maybe the "advice on staying safe online among internet creeps" thread would be a more appropriate place for such an opinion?

Anyway...new development.  Work started on the empty lot next door to clear and elevate this morning.  We tried to buy the lot when we bought the house, but the purchasing agent on the last sale said it was owned by folks in Germany and they are not selling, intend to build.   Looks like there are going to be some new European neighbors.   May factor into these decisions, old dudes in speedos will take away from the view a little bit. 

[Undefeated]

On 6/4/2025 at 9:54 PM, JimmySpeaks said:

My wife and I have been empty Nesters for a while now.  Sold off our main house and Did something I said I’d never do. Bought a condo. The main reason for doing this was avoiding lawn care and snow removal duties. I was very capable of doing it (still am) but looked into the future knowing I won’t always be.  A decade later were very pleased with the move. At the same time we were able to pay off our lake place which we pretty much spend our entire summers at.  That being said I live very close to my two kids (and grand kids) who both have their own homes.  Due to us having a smaller place they now have the honor of hosting us for family gatherings instead of the other way around.   If you’re going to be the one hosting holidays etc. downsizing might not be the best option. If not, I’d certainly recommend it. 

Hey Jimmy, forget that condo life and come to Iran! Let’s check out some Ayatollahs, join anti-American rallies, and hey — you might even get to hear the real fireworks with missile and bomb sounds! Now that’s an adventure for a guy like you.

[GreatWhiteNorth]

On 6/5/2025 at 9:40 AM, JimmySpeaks said:

Is telling people you drive a snowplow in MN giving out personal information? 

If you are trying to find out my personal information, piss off you creep.

(This is a good example of an online super creep trying to trick you into saying more than you should.)

[GreatWhiteNorth]

13 hours ago, WrestlingRasta said:

Maybe the "advice on staying safe online among internet creeps" thread would be a more appropriate place for such an opinion?

But that's where you're wrong.

Very few people seek out advice on staying safe, etc. because it's not fun and it sounds like more work. And, let's face it, most people are lazy online.

If we were to post a thread about it, it would immediately perish and help nobody.

The only effective way to assist posters with staying safe is using JIT (Just in time) strategies. 

You may dislike do-gooders. That's fine. I'm perfectly content trying to do good on my own.

Naysayers can just keep naysaying and digging their heads into the sand.

[JimmySpeaks]

7 hours ago, GreatWhiteNorth said:

If you are trying to find out my personal information, piss off you creep.

(This is a good example of an online super creep trying to trick you into saying more than you should.)

I’m not trying to find out anything.  Just using what youve already given out. You’re too stupid to follow your own advice. Bahahahahahhahahahaha. 

Edited July 9 by JimmySpeaks