A Wrestler's Most Important Ability

[scourge165]

8 hours ago, ILLINIWrestlingBlog said:

After working with wrestlers on a top-notch celebration in one of the three main categories (Religious, Dance, Tumbling), I let him or her know that IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO START YOUR CELEBRATION. Why wait? If you’re up by 2 with a minute to go, do a backflip at the re-start. If time is ticking off and you have a one-point lead on bottom or on top, shake your fist in triumph.

 

This serves two purposes: (1) You have cemented in your mind that you will win, and (2) You have destroyed your opponent’s confidence. You'll find all of these tips and more in my book: Wrestling Celebrations and Thirty Other Ways to Piss Off Old People. Buy it on Amazon today!

 

 

 

 

 

Feels like God has to be 1st. Otherwise...if you've only been religious since you were say...6 and the OTHER guy since he was 4, well, that's an easy call. God's DEFINITELY tilting the scales in the other guys favor. 

This feels like common sense. What you really need are headphones around the stomach so the child can hear Aaron Brooks speeches in the Womb. Maybe a little air pod in the belly button(if they have an inny and so long as it remains an inny).

 

I now think the list has to be revised.
God
Celebration 
PRE-match display of athleticism
After that, it's all getting pretty obvious.
You need a tribal tat, you need a funny tat on the back.

The only way around these are to go to PSU and to have Cael put his hands on you and just ordain you. But I hear that's quite tiring and he can only do it with 3 Wrestlers at a time...so

[ILLINIWrestlingBlog]

@scourge165, I'm digging these:

 

Quote

I now think the list has to be revised.
God
Celebration 
PRE-match display of athleticism
After that, it's all getting pretty obvious.
You need a tribal tat, you need a funny tat on the back.

 

You have what it takes to become a full-time counselor at one of our seven training centers. We are a division of Parker Betts Backflip Camps, Inc.

Are you ready to take that next step?

We also tell our athletes who lose, Why not celebrate? If you've given 110%, and you still lost, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most importantly, if your backflip and superhero landing outshines the winner's celebration, then who exactly was the loser? Hmm. Hmm. 

 

 

 

 

[scourge165]

1 minute ago, ILLINIWrestlingBlog said:

@scourge165, I'm digging these:

 

 

You have what it takes to become a full-time counselor at one of our seven training centers. We are a division of Parker Betts Backflip Camps, Inc.

Are you ready to take that next step?

We also tell our athletes who lose, Why not celebrate? If you've given 110%, and you still lost, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most importantly, if your backflip and superhero landing outshines the winner's celebration, then who exactly was the loser? Hmm. Hmm. 

 

 

 

 

What does the NI-err...starting salary look like?

[ILLINIWrestlingBlog]

3 minutes ago, scourge165 said:

What does the NI-err...starting salary look like?

If you are ready for an exciting future in Wrestling Celebrations, we're just the right company for you. We pay zero dollars an hour and offer zero dollars on your moving expenses. There is no health insurance which is a shame because Wrestling Celebrations Counselor is the leading cause of death in three of the states in which we are located. In other words, an unpaid internship that will likely cause you serious bodily harm or death. What's not to like? 

[ILLINIWrestlingBlog]

We are now offering a seven-week intensive course on protests. Can a compelling protest increase your brand recognition? Yes. Let me ask you this question: Do you remember our clients Byambarenchin Bayoraa and Tsenrenbataar Tsostbayar?

I bet you do.

They coached the Mongolian wrestling team at the 2016 Olympics and became world famous and instant millionaires for their stripping protest at the games. Now, let me ask you this: Do you remember the name of the wrestler who beat the Mongolian? Do you remember the country he represented?

Our vision WILL INCREASE your brand recognition, and if it means losing, then, yes, we will advise our clients to lose. But only if our clients have a foolproof protest in the bag. This is where Byambarenchin Bayoraa and Tsenrenbataar Tsostbayar live today:

[ILLINIWrestlingBlog]

MARKETING

Would you walk into court without a lawyer? Of course not. So why jump into the NIL cesspool without an agent. We are Top G, baby. You might know our first client, Marvin Atkins, better known as Austin DeSanto. We advised him to get a European sounding name, wrestle like somebody was choking him to death, and never let the rays of the Sun touch his body. 

That was his brand. 

We at The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum are stepping it up a notch this year. Our newest client, Kannon Webster, legally changed his name to DEATH SKULL (all caps). He's got a full face tattoo and has signed a seven-figure deal with Nabisco, the darkest, most evil of the baked snack companies. 

[ionel]

9 hours ago, ILLINIWrestlingBlog said:

MARKETING

Would you walk into court without a lawyer? Of course not. So why jump into the NIL cesspool without an agent. We are Top G, baby. You might know our first client, Marvin Atkins, better known as Austin DeSanto. We advised him to get a European sounding name, wrestle like somebody was choking him to death, and never let the rays of the Sun touch his body. 

That was his brand. 

We at The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum are stepping it up a notch this year. Our newest client, Kannon Webster, legally changed his name to DEATH SKULL (all caps). He's got a full face tattoo and has signed a seven-figure deal with Nabisco, the darkest, most evil of the baked snack companies. 

All good stuff ... but when is your new book A Poster's Most Important Ability coming out?  Do we need agents?  Why should Du&Bob get all the coin?  Folks come to intermat to read the post so how much is the market willing to pay?  I'm just asking for whatever someone will pay.  

Related to Kannon, is it true Jeremy is changing his legal name to daHUNTER?

[jross]

On 6/15/2023 at 11:33 AM, Idaho said:

My daughter ran track for the first time this year. I gave her the best coaching advice.... run faster. The most important ability for a wrestler is to wrestle really, really good. 

Just pin him.

Just throw strikes.

[PortaJohn]

Hips & Grips

[Lipdrag]

On 6/16/2023 at 9:09 AM, AgaveMaria said:

with success 100% guaranteed if you wear the right brand of shoes.

It's gotta be the shoes.  (sorry to use a basketball reference here but as a kid who grew up in Chicago . . . )

 

 

[scourge165]

On 6/17/2023 at 3:22 AM, ILLINIWrestlingBlog said:

If you are ready for an exciting future in Wrestling Celebrations, we're just the right company for you. We pay zero dollars an hour and offer zero dollars on your moving expenses. There is no health insurance which is a shame because Wrestling Celebrations Counselor is the leading cause of death in three of the states in which we are located. In other words, an unpaid internship that will likely cause you serious bodily harm or death. What's not to like? 

[ILLINIWrestlingBlog]

15 hours ago, PortaJohn said:

Hips & Grips

This is Truth. 

 

In the reflection of Morpheus' glasses is ILLINI Wrestling folk hero Deuce Rachal, also a Judo champion, and recently, a BJJ champion as well.