Dear Diary,
Woke up today in my unwashed bed feeling unrested on account of my severe sleep apnea. Arthritis in all my joints kicking my 350 lb ass. Made a pot of my third favorite coffee. Had the extra money on account of not having to purchase hair care products anymore. Read the morning newspaper, which I still have delivered because I’m old as shit and act like it. Spent a little time dreaming about my third ex-wife getting run over by a cement mixer. Could have been a tanker truck, but my memory isn’t too good thanks to diabetes and high blood pressure slowly putting holes in my brain. Spent three hours trying to take a shit. Scored myself two new flaming hot hemorrhoids, which only adds to my baseline, irrationally high anger. Good news is I stole a gallon of cooking wine from my neighbor and hoping to catch a buzz off it later. If not, I can always huff spray paint while reading the stack of mail from collections.
More good news is there’s a thread complaining about FRL on my favorite forum. Going to spend a little time there with my people - those who have all the same issues I do. We can complain together for a while, and then it’s off to coach wrestling where I can take out all that anger on a couple dozen high school kids.
We’ll put this day in the win column. Couldn’t ask for more.