ILLINIWrestlingBlog

I had hoped to run that schtick the whole day. Instead. Found out immediately. Cheers to you!

Wrestler X wears the jersey for Team Y at the home dual on Friday, then jumps in his car to wrestle for Team W on Sunday. He is paid in bitcoin and pizza. Is that the future you want, Wkn? Where do you want to draw the line? Now everybody's breaking up somebody else's home. Before somebody else starts breaking up their own, let's set some ground rules.

Needless to say, anything that makes Northwestern wrestling fans cry is a big plus for me [See Figure 1 below], but the creation of the Stanwestern Wolvercats maybe goes too far. You've probably heard by now that Michigan has taken three wrestlers from Evanston's Big Ten Team and added them to their new Wolvercats lineup. THE JOE MONTANA PARALLEL Additionally, the Wolvercats added a wrestler from Stanford, which is basically a West coast version of Northwestern, but for hippies. What Shane Griffith has done is a Joe Montana, going from sunny California to a dank Midwestern city that is home to the most overrated football coaches in history (Schembechler and that current fellow). See Fig. 2 below. To lure Griffith from the land of long hair and LSD parties, the Wolvercats may have paid more for him than San Francisco originally paid for Joe Montana: Is $85k the going rate? I don't know, that's a guess on my part. Including the outrageous cost for what folks in Ann Arbor euphemistically call "an education"--while boldly looking you straight in the face and without the hint of a smile--it may actually be more. Is this going to be worse than free agency in professional sports? FREE AGENCY IN THE PROS In college, there used to be a device called the National Letter of Intent, which a high schooler signed to join a university's athletic program. It was binding. It was basically a contract. Now, it may as well be called a "National Letter of Perhaps, or Perhaps Not." In the 1980s, professional sports saw the development of free agency. This was an end to the "reserve clause" in pro contracts which allowed owners to keep players for as long as they wanted. After the rise of free agency, a player could negotiate with other teams after his contract expired and not be bound to the one team with which he had originally signed. So, it appears that at the present time, even professional sports teams are more stable than college teams because of that initial contract. See Fig. 3 below, featuring Lionel Hutz. Today, in college wrestling, in football and in basketball, athlete movement can be as volatile as a swinger's party in Palo Alto before Aids. Take the case of Aaron Nagao. He was wrestling last year for Minnesota but then transferred to Penn State for this season. My theory is that he jumped ship because of my nickname for him, "The Gopher Choker." It was too damn good. He fled that nickname, knowing that "The Penn State Strangler" was basically a rip off of Nick Simmons and probably wouldn't catch on. As you can see in Figure 4 below, Nick Simmons seized that nickname and won't let go. Nagao, instead of embracing his new moniker, transferred to a new school to avoid it! That's right. He transferred schools to avoid a nickname. A MODEST PROPOSAL Some folks believe that the pendulum has swung too far. Other folks don't know what a pendulum is. I suggest to the former this reasonable solution: Give wrestling coaches the authority to trade athletes to other teams for other wrestlers, cash and/or a practice room partner to be named later. With this authority, a coach could see that one of his wrestlers had entered the transfer portal, and, before that wrestler could come to terms with another team, he could be traded to a third team. Problem solved! It is either that or wrestlers can decide to choose a school with an incredible staff of PATRIOTIC AMERICANS who will value them as human beings and not as a commodity, who will mentor them, and who will work with them to become overall better citizens of this the greatest country on Earth, the UNITED STATES of AMERICA. Kind of like the ILLINOIS staff. See Fig. 5 below. ___________ CODA I literally cannot recall whether I did the photoshop art (below in Fig. 6) for the three-time California state champion Nevills or the four-time Cali state champion Nevills. Or, was it the pure-blood wizard from Hogwarts? ___________ The original article was posted on The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum and Beyond here. Come for the wrestling, stay for the Pizza!

He's gonna beat some good D1 wrestlers next year. If you wrestle 174 to 184, you might ask your coach to skip the Greyhound Open next season. Strong, smart, tough mat wrestler, and a wit. I'm a Greyhound fan now.

FYP. Also, if you get caught vaping at Oklahoma State, the Mayor gives you a key to the city.

Two more in the Finals at U20 Free for the ILLINI RTC. Joey Braunagel with a headlock throw and pin in the Semis. (IMAR went nuts)! Kannon Webster with the decision over Jesse Mendez in the semis. A counter-takedown followed by a gut wrench did it for the ILLINI recruit. So, for those of you who thought that Danny and Zac Braunagel were quite enough Braunagels, well, there's another Brawlnagel, and he loves to toss people on their heads. He has a total Lucas Byrd attitude in that regard. Look for him to battle for the 197 spot after Zac graduates. Kannon Webster is still in high school, and he's already beaten NCAA qualifiers. Now, he's beaten an All American. He's the #10 recruit in the class according to this website. It was pretty cool for Kannon to wear the "Richards" singlet for this tournament. I can foresee the legion of Zaniacs growing. Gilman should forfeit? Caden Ernd still has some work to get to the Bronze Match. Finally, a guy who deserves a bunch of credit for the transformation of Zane Richards (along with Medlin):

And then there's the Spencer and Suriano hype along with poster images everywhere, disrespecting the millions of little boys and girls who call themselves "Zaniacs," and who support Truth, Justice and the American Way! Sample: [PICTURE OF SPENCER VERSUS PICTURE OF SURIANO WHO YA GOT?] I'll tell you who I got, Mister. I got ZANE ************* RICHARDS!

Yes. 9pm (Eastern). Joe Rau with the beginning-of-the-second-period 10-1 tech. He is your 97kg US OPEN CHAMPION! Add that to his recent Freestyle success, and you can't believe he never won a state championship in high school. So excite!

Kamal Bey with the master class in Fearless Destruction. Body lock to the back for four, then a lift and throw for the quick tech and US Open Championship. Zac Braunagel with the 9-0 tech over the #2 seed for the Bronze. This is video from yesterday's ILLINI and IRTC action, featuring a Bey BOMB, Joe Rau (in the finals in a few minutes), Tanner Farmer and Luuuke Luffman (facing each other for third), and the Brawlnagels: GO ZANE!

Don't you have to be dead to have a memorial tournament named after you? In any event, there are concise directions to the tournament, which is apparently in someone's backyard in California.

Waiting for the US Open to start, I wanted to see if Track would be hosting the brackets. I like theirs better than the user-punishing brackets on Flo. That's when I found the Andrew Tate Memorial Wrestling Tournament. Fess up. Which one of you jabrones did this?

The community narrative is up and running at The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum and Beyond. Additions are welcome. Will Folkstyle emerge again after the Second Civil War? Who will become the leader of the Second Revolution? There are unanswered questions that remain. In any event, I am hypocritically excited about the start of the US Open today. That's right, Men's and Women's Freestyle and Greco. UWW radically changed their rule set to make both the Freestyle and Greco disciplines very entertaining. I did not think an organization that based its headquarters and bureaucracy in Switzerland could possibly do that. I was wrong. They did. So excite!

I will join with Wkn on the field of honor. [slaps face with fancy perfumed white silk glove] I've tried to make deep dish pizza--one of the top two foods in the world--and it comes out goulash. I can't get the sauce matrix right. Papa Del's said they'd fly me a pie for $100. D'oh! Had to go with frozen Pizzeria Uno. As for our story, I will update it tomorrow on The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum and Beyond. With your permission, I'll chop your piece into smaller bite-sized paragraphs. Cheers!

Luke Luffman seeded just behind an Olympic Champion and Icon. Lucas Byrd was registered then scratched at 60 kg Greco. He's been an age-level World-Teamer in the past. Hope he's okay. Dude lives to "put people on their heads." 77 kg Greco is explosive. Go Kamal! Both the Brawlnagels have represented the USA in age-level Greco events. Tanner Farmer had an injury at Final X. He still kept it reasonable with Schultz. 130 kg Greco is going to be insane. Zane Richards getting all that ILLINI RTC training in Russia and Azerbaijan really paid off. Nobody has paid more dues. He was injured in his last international and still teched Darian Cruz. So excite!

I live in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. There is not a deep dish pizza house within 300 miles. The last one closed 15 years ago for lack of business. As if that wasn't crazy enough, the folks down here use a mustard-based BBQ sauce. I order Pizzeria Uno delivered in dry ice. I am not a rich man, but I will pay a few extra dollars for civilization. As for our story, well, it is moving right along. Theo, you have captured the desperation, the grittiness, and the low-rent nature of this hypothetical apocalypse. In essence, the story is about a boy and his wrestling style.

You are supposed to write the end of the story, Theo! But, okay, I will give you some additional assistance: PLOT NOTES It is the End Times. The NCAA and state high school governing bodies have opted for Freestyle instead of Folkstyle. There is a Resistance movement, but it is uncoordinated and decentralized. Mostly, there are just individuals looking for Folkstyle matches anywhere they can find them. MOTIVATION The individuals who miss Folkstyle wrestling need that riding time fix to get them through the day. GENRE A human interest story set in an apocalyptic future in which Freestyle has become the dominant wrestling style in the United States, but it is also part comedy, part parody and part satire.

This is a Community Narrative Project. How does the story end? The best continuation(s) will be added to the story at The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum and Beyond. No $$$, but you'll get sweet, sweet credit.

You walk past a dark alley in Chicago and hear a voice, "Hey, buddy, want some Folkstyle?" You know you shouldn't. You start shaking. It's been two weeks since you scored a riding time point. You need to score bad. You haven't been able to focus at work. It's getting hard to sleep at night. And when you do catch a few zzz's there are the nightmares, nightmares about half-nelsons and claw rides. You give in. It shouldn't have to be this way. We gave up arm bars and granby rolls for whatever that thing is when the other guy grabs both of your legs and laces them together and then thrashes around like an alligator on a wildebeest. Those are back points? **** you! But you know the deal, the reality is that Folkstyle's gone. Gone forever. Except here in dark alleys in Chicago, in small-town Pennsylvania, and in Iowa City. You step into the alley. You smell the sweat of a thousand riding time points, and your adrenaline goes through the ******* roof! Your eyes slowly adjust to the darkness, and you see Lucas Byrd, Dylan Palacio and Gable Steveson warming up by the Pizzeria Uno dumpster. Yeah. That's why you drove to Chicago. For the good stuff....

It could be as simple as requesting a trial date while school is not in session because the alleged victim lives out of state. Lawyers have to think through all the angles. It could be that the Ferraris want a quick resolution. Lawyers cost a lot of money, and Ferarri wants to wrestle. Or, it could be the defense wants to pressure the State into a deal. The State (everywhere I've practiced) is swamped with cases. Any number of reasons. As for the second issue, does AJ Ferrari have a prior criminal record? If not, my prediction is that this will be bargained down to a misdemeanor. The sticking point is likely registration as a sexual offender and the probation terms re: Living out of state. In other words, what the Offspring sang is really true: Take him out (you gotta keep 'em separated) Hey, they don't pay no mind If you're under 18 you won't be doing any time Hey, come out and play The general rule is that you get one bite at the apple unless somebody dies. Please note that I'm not defending the Ferraris because ... vomit. Just speaking from experience.

“It puts an emphasis on risk and we need more risk. If you look at the numbers statistically, takedowns have gone down, backpoints have gone down, tech falls have gone down." -- PROPOSAL X. Grant to Poeta, Ruth and IMAR four additional years of eligibility. Numbers back up! What do you foresee with the new rules? There will be a bunch of hairy cavemen. There are tons of lads starting their new beards today. Leg riding and bow and arrows just became the premium rides. Easy to twist somebody's upper torso to look like you're attempting near fall. Fellows great at neutral get a big advantage, and recruiting will change. More "Takedown Tournaments"? Nothing to stop the Gopher Choker? New weigh-in rules benefit the bigger 125s, as if they didn't get a big enough benefit after the first round of tournaments. Stalling. Why not refs with cattle prods? Or, refs allowed to be sarcastic? "Better move on the bottom, Nancy boy!" All in all, I like the proposals, but would've liked to have seen a new sarcasm rule.

For fans of ILLINI and Pennsylvania wrestling, here's a treat entitled One Last Dual for Mikey Carr. It was written by FSL ILLINI, and it weaves through all of the highlights of Mikey Carr's wrestling career. We will be nominating it for an award in wrestling journalism. The piece is a must-read for any fans of ILLINI Wrestling, Pennsylvania Wrestling or any other type of wrestling, even Sumo. Cheers and GO ILLINI!

The best feature of the Singlet, my friend, is the ability to pull down the straps after the match and walk around like a jacked up ******* hero! America!

I hope that everybody gets that this is satire and not true, although there are some true facts in it. For instance, the bugs, and Sumo did become an important Japanese sport in 642 A.D. because Empress Kōgyoku first held a tournament that year. It really is the national sport of Japan today. Also, it is a true fact that Mongolian wrestlers wear what looks like disco boots on their feet and extension cords around their waist. It is not true that God should bless everybody except the Muslims. Those folks are actually pretty cool. Peace. It was originally posted at The ILLINI Wrestling Blog and Forum and Beyond. Come for the wrestling, stay for the pizza! Photo credits to the University of ILLINOIS Athletic Department, Intermat.com, Tony Rotundo, NBC News, Wired, AL.com, Japan Guide, Dailymotion, War Tribe Gear, Hammacher Schlemmer (for the hotel robe), Addix Sportswear, History Extra, and the Daily Mail.

This is the time of the silly season when people start asking whether there is anything about wrestling that shouldn’t be changed. Should the NCAA adopt a push-out rule? Why are opponents always human? If eye pokes were good enough for the Three Stooges, why aren’t they good enough for Penn State? And so on. Singlets are always brought up. Why not two pieces? Why do we have to wear this, this thing when it looks so silly? What will my girlfriend think? Well, wrestling fans, it’s because you don’t know the strange and wonderful and patriotic history of the Singlet. 400 MILLION B.C. The first singlets were worn by bugs, beetle-like insects to be exact, and these beetles used their own feces to coat themselves. (See Fig. 1 below). It was a genius albeit smelly way to protect themselves from attack. They didn’t cover up their naughty bits because of any puritan moral code; no, it was so other bugs wouldn’t eat their naughty bits (and the rest of them). Still other bugs, such as the Junk Bug and the Assassin Bug, covered themselves with the dead bodies of insects they had eaten. (Fig. 2). So, the history of the singlet begins with poo and dead bug parts. It would get better. 100,000 B.C. About this time humans began to wear the skins of animals to protect themselves from the cold and during fights. We know this because even back then there were kid brothers, and it has always been necessary to wrestle kid brothers to the ground and **** with them. Maybe stick a wet finger in his humongous Cro-Magnon ear, or wedge his animal skin up his butt crack. We don’t know this for certain because back then humans were amazingly stupid and couldn’t write or post on Tik Tok, but it seems pretty likely that the first human singlet was made of deer, bison or antelope pelts. Very smelly, but not nearly as smelly as your own feces. Progress! 2,000 B.C. The Greeks set the singlet back a thousand years. Their singlet wasn’t made of fabric or animal skin or anything like that; their singlet was made of oil. Transparent slippery oil. That was it. They still do that, sort of. (Figs. 3 & 4). Imagine having to wrestle an entire match as David Taylor against the sweatiest J’Den Cox ever. It would be years and years until humans realized that some naughty bits might could be covered up. It would take the singlet to move wrestling from the pornographic arts to the martial arts. 642 A.D. It was during this year that Sumo became an important institution in Japan. Today, it is the country’s national sport, even though practitioners wear colored silken diapers and pony tails. (Fig. 5). As you will see in the next paragraph, Asia really **** the bed when it comes to wrestling kit. 1,200 A.D. Genghis Khan got a propaganda boost from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but he was actually pretty power mad and had a large army—called the Mongol hordes—that attacked other people and took their land and valuables. He also instituted wrestling practices and matches to keep his army combat ready. That was better than practicing with a PlayStation because a PlayStation does not improve a soldier’s cardiovascular health one bit. Especially if there is a bag of potato chips and a Mountain Dew nearby. What the Mongols wore during their practices and competitions isn’t entirely certain. Have you tried talking to a Mongol? They speak an entirely different language! In any event, we know the traditional wrestling uniform because they still use it today: Disco boots, short shorts, an ill-fitting shirt that covers mostly nothing, and an extension cord wrapped around their waists. (Fig. 6). Luckily, neither Genghis Khan nor Kubla nor Wrath Of ever conquered Europe or America, so we don’t have to wear that ****. Believe me, we dodged a bullet there, folks. Look at the picture below--it's Disco Lemonade! 1800s - 1900s During this time, Americans and Europeans were wrestling in what they wore every day, although they would sometimes take off their shirts. Abraham Lincoln is famous for this kind of grappling. He emancipated and proclamated about 300 wrestlers and only lost once. (Fig. 7). That’s a pretty amazing record that even Terrence and Phillip Brands can’t match. Lincoln was also a famous President. The problem, though, was that wrestlers wore what they were wearing that day, which means if you were wrestling a pig farmer, your opponent smelt like a pig. A chicken farmer smelt like chicken poo. At that time, Lincoln worked in a store, so he didn’t have that problem, but there was another problem. The modern formulation for deodorant wasn’t patented and manufactured until 1941. The use of it still hasn’t been fully adopted by the French. That means all those fancy historical figures you’ve heard about, including the wrestlers, smelt to high heaven, even good ol’ Honest Abe. EARLY 20TH CENTURY The Japanese developed their own forms of martial arts that included a kind of silly wrestling called Judo and a striking form called Karate. In both instances, the Japanese simply went with a design based on what they had been wearing at the time, the kimono, while making them a little less resistant to tearing. What they came up with was similar to the terry cloth robe you find in the Hyatt Regency so that guests can parade around in them like they’re Howard Hughes or Kanye. They also added trousers to cover up the knees and the naughty bits, and all of this was made of the same fabric you would find on sailing ships. These were not form-fitting outfits because the Japanese thought you should be able to grab your opponent’s clothing to put him or her off balance. The outfits were called “Judogi” and “Karategi.” (Fig. 8). Thankfully, these and rice, never caught on in America except for a few kids who quit Judo at the strip mall the first time they landed on their head. Admit it, the Japanese managed to find the one starch on the planet that has less taste than a potato. THE UNITED STATES PRE-1960S In the United States, it was customary to go shirtless and wear shorts and tights in most wrestling bouts, including college matches. Shirts and tights and shorts came into vogue in the early 1920s, although shirts weren't mandatory. (Fig. 9). In the mid-1960s, the NCAA discovered it had a problem with the male nipple and ordered everyone to cover up their bodies. Think of the children! At that time, singlets came into vogue, at first in tandem with tights, and then without them because tights are rather silly, don’t you think? THE DOUBLET Some crazy people—and they are quite mental—recently decided to go against the singlet and use what they call the doublet. Either a tight-fitting shorts and shirt combo, or a loose-fitting one. This fad probably died when Maryland brought out a loose-fitting doublet combo that looked like sorority sisters in a pillow fight at the Alpha Chi Omega house. “Boys are like so frustrating, let’s have a pillow fight!” (Fig. 10). THE CURRENT AMERICAN SINGLET Made of Lyrca, a miracle fabric, that is washable and stretchy like a human ear or something that stretches really well, the modern American singlet is form-fitting so opponents are less likely to accidentally grab it, while allowing referees a clear view of what is happening, including pins and illegal holds. Singlets are cool, and they are especially cool when emblazoned with the colors and symbols of such American institutions as America or the University of ILLINOIS (Figs. 11-13). And if you think otherwise, you can take your stinking commie, socialist, capitalist opinion and shove it! CONCLUSION So, my friends, you can see that it could’ve been much worse. We don’t have to wrap ourselves in feces, wear disco boots and extension cords, or wear bathrobes stolen from the Hyatt Regency. Instead, we get to wear the powerful and wonderful and functional singlet, which looks awful cool and colorful when it has a printed “USA” or a big “I” or a cursive “Illinois” on it. May God Bless you and the United States of America (but not the Muslims)!

Leg Pass - Delgado Underhook - IMAR Footsweep - Lackey* *I agree that Mocco was the most prolific, what with his Judo background, but quality over quantity, my friends.